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Bob is tired.
Susan yawned five times during the movie previews so I wasn’t surprised that her head was resting on my shoulder before the main character even made an appearance.
If you had to guess, would you say that Susan is tired? Does it say she’s tired at any point in the sentence? Then how do you know?
We can see Susan. We know exactly what she is doing, where she is and that she’s with another person. After reading this sentence, we’re absolutely positive that Susan’s exhausted.
Which sentence was more interesting? Obviously, the latter because we have an actual picture in our minds of what Susan is doing. We’re curious. We might even want to know more.
Now I wouldn’t necessarily suggest such a long sentence in copywriting, but my point is that specifics and visuals power over dull sentences any day. And why should we even believe that Bob is tired? There’s no proof. Sure it says that he is, but big deal. Bob is showing no signs of fatigue as far as I can see.
Take this lesson to your copy. Anyone can say that their product is this and their service is that. But unless you show your audience that, there’s no visual for them to relate to. They don’t sense that you even understand what it is they’re looking for. Merely listing qualifications and fancy adjectives will never make the sale, and not because they’re untrue. Because no one is going to stick around to read them.
When we read, “Bob is tired,” we see the WORD “tired.” When we read about Susan, we see Susan’s bobbing head. Unless you’re selling dictionaries, seeing a word is not going to compel anyone to invest in your product or service. Show them what’s up, and they’ll respond.
Chew on this:
If your waiter asks you if you’d like a slice of cake, there’s a considerable chance you’d say no. But if you’re waiter then brings a slice of cake to the person sitting next to you, do you suddenly get the urge to dig in with your own fork?
